Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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