worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
