This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
