I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
