it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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