my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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