you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
