What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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