Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
