I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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