Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
