SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize
