I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
