also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
