I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
