i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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