So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
