wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
