You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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