Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he high fived his dick after we had sex
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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