My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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