He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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