I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
