Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
