i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
