Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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