i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
