I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
