Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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