i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
