it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
