just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize