She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
