Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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