No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
