Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
