I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
