DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
