The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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