Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
