Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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