it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
