I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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