Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize