can u get pink eye on your cock?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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