Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
