you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
