he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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