so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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