i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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