did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
