I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How does one acquire holy water?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
