I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
