She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
