Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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