is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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