I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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