If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize