My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
