Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
