I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
