you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize