after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
