My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
