He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize