mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
