You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Randomize
